#MeToo

#MeToo

I have been struggling to share this for quite sometime and adding my story to the #metoo movement.  Up until now only a handful of people have heard it. I am choosing to share it publicly at this time so that other women who are still silent and unable to share their experience may gain hope knowing they are not alone.  I am an advocate and willing to listen to their stories too.  I will engage in the difficult conversations necessary in order to empower them to reclaim their lives and direct them to available resources so the healing process can begin.  

I am leaning heavily on Brené Brown's research and choosing to believe that by refusing to feel shame for the actions taken against me I can regain control over my own life and story.  I hope to bring about change and evolution in our community; to end the rape culture; a society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse. Thereby changing the story that has held me in it's grip for most of my adult life, instead allowing it a higher purpose that will serve others.   I have gained new strength from the  number of survivors that have shared their stories and would like to take this opportunity to thank them for their bravery and example.  

I would also like to thank those that have talked me through the dark hours, taught me how to heal, given me hope and listened to my story.  I too will use my time and energy to help others.  

I am organizing a benefit concert that will be held in the Spring 2018 with the goal to raise funds for the Center for Women and Children in Crisis located in Utah County that will allow them to hire full-time rape crisis recovery counselors.  I have invited several organizations from across the state of Utah as well as the national organization #itsonus to present their unique insight, educational resources with the attendees at the event.

I will release additional details once they have been solidified and the musicians, speakers and representatives are all confirmed.  I am seeking volunteer committee members and  advocates, and that would like to join this project.  You may contact me with inquiries at: susan.woodhouse@followmygig.com

I have experienced sexual assault and sexual harassment more than once throughout my life.  I am only sharing one story today. It happened 26 years ago.

I went out to a local bar to meet up with friends and have a few drinks.  They weren't there when I arrived but I decided to hang out for a bit and wait for them.  

There were 3 men nearby that approached me and began talking and buying me drinks.  As the night progressed I realized that I was not able to drive and that I should track down my friends and get a ride home.  

One of the men in the group said he hadn't been drinking and that he would be happy to drop me off at home on his way to take his friends home.  When we were in the car one of the men suggested we go back to their house and watch a movie and we drove there instead.  When we got to the house they took me into the bedroom where two of them raped me and the third one watched.  

My experience with the self preservation response of fight or flight was preempted by paralyzing fear and I froze.  I was intoxicated and in shock, I was consumed with denial and fear; unbelievable amounts of fear.  I did say no, there was not consent.

One of them drove me home later, I reported the rape and went to the hospital to meet with a forensic nurse and undergo the procedure of collecting evidence for a rape kit.  I was told by the police investigator over the next couple of weeks that the Attorney General's office wanted to prosecute those men for date rape. It would have been the first case being tried in the state of Utah.  

The officer proceeded to tell me what I could expect during the trial if I chose to follow-through with pressing charges.  I would be asked personal questions about my relationships over the past 15 years. My integrity and morals would be brought into question.  

I was scared, alone and unable to muster up the strength required to endure the court proceedings.  Instead, I went to great lengths to shut out the details of that night, ignore my panic attacks and repress those memories.

Fast forward to 2015. I recently moved to Salt Lake City, my first time living in a metropolitan city on my own.

The case of the people vs Brock Turner was in the headlines. The now infamous words of Judge Aaron Persky "a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him." moved me to such a level of rage and anger that all of my repressed memories came flooding back in one fell swoop.  

I started experiencing terrifying panic attacks, nightmares and uncontrollable crying.  I was hyper-vigilant and startled easily.  I began attending AA Meetings in an attempt to find solace and to continue to stay sober.   During one of the meetings I was told about Al-Anon and started attending those groups too. In one of those meetings I was given information for the Rape Recovery Center and my treatment and healing began.

It is an ongoing process. I am here today facing my fears and sharing my story in an effort to help others.  Please, if you are reading my story take these final words with you and join me in pledging to create a responsible dialogue surrounding sexual assault and create a safer community.  

Believe the people in your life that trusted  you enough to share their story. Love them enough to sit with them and just listen. Don't assign blame to them, be compassionate and patient. They did not choose this experience but with your love and support they can choose to seek treatment and healing.

 

Please pledge: http://www.itsonus.org/

To RECOGNIZE:

that non-consensual sex is sexual assault.

To IDENTIFY:

situations in which sexual assault may occur.

To INTERVENE:

in situations where consent has not or cannot be given.

To CREATE:

an environment in which sexual assault is unacceptable and survivors are supported.

If you've experienced sexual assault and need crisis support, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)